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C. and I have had some fun times lately.  We’ve had walking adventures and nighttime bus rides and date nights at home with rented movies and homemade caramel popcorn.  We had friends over for dinner and it was such a joy to fill our little home with good people and food and music and stories and laughter.

But then life got serious all of a sudden.  The day after we had company for dinner we found ourselves on the road to Pine Bluff, Arkansas, where C. is from.  We had news about her sick father, and the news was bad, and we decided that we needed to hit the road right then so that C. could see her dad.  After some scrambling to tie up loose ends at work and arranging for cat care, I drove us to Arkansas.

We spent the next few days almost exclusively at the hospital, with interludes at C.’s mother’s house for sleep and food and rest. By the time I left yesterday, C.’s father was much more alert and lucid, initiating conversation and demonstrating that his sense of humor is still alive and well, and eating the food we brought him as well as some of his hospital food.

There are some troubling issues in play regarding C.’s father’s health situation and the decision-making about his medical care.  I can’t get into it here, but suffice it to say that I have witnessed first hand the utter necessity of advance directives, of having your wishes known in detail and in writing, and having a trustworthy person appointed to make medical decisions when you have reached the point when you are incapacitated.  C. and I are going to get our own papers in order once she’s back home.

I left C. behind in Pine Bluff and headed home yesterday.  She’s going to spend more time with her dad and also try to work with the social worker and chaplain to try to straighten out some of these issues.  I am glad she is there.  I am glad that she’s getting this time with him, when he’s more aware and talkative.

And yet, I am so, so lonely.  I miss her so much.  Before C., I was a very solitary person, and I loved nothing more than endless stretches of time, home alone, with no one to please but myself.  But domestic bliss has changed all of that.  I still want and need alone time, but it’s different now.  Until I got home yesterday, I had never ever spent a single second alone in our new home.  Any time I spent away from C. was at work, or running errands, or whatever.

Ever since I set foot back in our home last night, I have had the TV on constantly.  We have an old TV, so I don’t get any channels, so I am watching TV on DVD.  Specifically The Golden Girls, my old favorite, a source of comfort.  While I’ve amassed a whole arsenal of things to do instead of watching TV, all I want to do right now is have the TV on, constantly, for company, for comfort.

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